I don't feel guilty. About working.* Nor do I feel guilty about not spending as much time with our daughter as I'd like to. It's not that I feel I should spend more time with her. I know she has the best possible care in the hands of my husband. I simply want to spend more time with her.
At the same time, I'm trying to figure out how I set aside time for myself, by myself, too. But how do I do this and still maximize my time with my daughter? Not to mention maximizing my time with my husband.
Lately my physical state has been nagging at me -- I have yet to resume a decent level of fitness postpartum (can I use that term if she's 18 months old?). While at one time my desire for being fit was fueled by let's say, um, vanity (only partly), now it's fueled by wanting to be healthy for purposes of longevity. In other words, as an older mother, I obsess a little about making sure that I am a part of my daughter's life as long as possible. But, less selfishly, I want my daughter to absorb healthy habits by seeing me as a fit person who exercises regularly and eats well. So how do I find the time for this?
As I write this, I realize that I could start getting up earlier and incorporating a workout into my morning routine since my daughter sleeps late and isn't up when I leave for work (first I'd have to establish a morning routine; it's not my best time of day). And I could make more of an effort to walk during lunch or to take my daughter with me on walks.
It's a start!
*I once read an article assuring working moms that they shouldn't feel guilty about working. While well-intentioned, the article didn't resonate at all for me, and, if anything, left me wondering if I really should be feeling guilty in order to be a "normal" working mom (I realize there probably is no such thing -- we each have our idiosyncrasies, right?).
3 comments:
It's funny that you write this at her age. At 18 months is ecactly when I started asserting myself and taking back some ME time. I started attending pottery classes which has evolved into Thursday Mom night. Which means, I usually go to pottery class, but if I don't feel like doing that, I can do anything I want..(but I still skip it if we have pressing family plans that overshadow it, of course). Still.. having most Thursdays to do whatever I want has been a huge help to my mental health.
And I don't feel bad for working. Personally, I am a better mommy for working.
:)
That is a very interesting parallel with respect to the timing of your need for "me" time. I wonder if there's a biological basis to feeling more ready at that stage ... or maybe it's just emotional. I know that it helps that she engages more obviously now that she's 18 months, which gives me the confidence that my presence matters.
And it's reassuring to hear that you feel good---not guilty---about working!
Forgot to add that I think the idea of setting aside a particular night/time for myself (as you did, aimee) might indeed be the way to go. I'll have to ponder that!
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